The Luna Show
by StarclanCentral
Summary: The Luna Game show! What happens when a crazy witch starts a gameshow... With a staff of Moogles! Pure madness! Plese read and review! Flames are fine! Eighth chapter! The end has come.
1. Harry

Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Final Fantasy

Luna's Talking Game Show!

Announcer: "Now, your host, Luna Lovegood!"

(_Luna walks onto the stage and sits down, her wand behind her ear.)_

Luna: I would like to introduce our first special guest, the editor of the Quibbler!

_(Luna's father walks into the stage, and sits at one of the booths)_

Luna: _(Dreamily)_ is it true that you are the Editor-In-Chief for the Quibbler?

Luna's Father: Yes.

Luna: Is it also true that you are my father?

Luna's Father: Yes.

Luna: How has your daughter being a famous talk/game-show host affected you?

Luna's Father: Well, it has made me more popular at work.

Luna: I hear you are working on a story about Flame-tongued Trenchers. Have you ever witnessed the breeding habits of this reclusive creature?

Luna's Father: Not yet, but I am confident that I will eventually.

Luna: Our next guest is a famous boy from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harold Potter, The Boy Who Lived

_(Harry Potter enters and sits down)_

Luna: (_dreamily_) is it true that you are the archenemy of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?

Harry: Yes, I suppose so.

Luna: How has this affected your love life?

Harry: (_blinks)_ Uh… Well I guess it has made it hard to um…

Luna: (S_uddenly serious_) has this kept you from being able to form a permanent relationship with anyone romantically, specifically Ginny Weasley?

Harry: Yes, I suppose so…

Luna: All right then, it is time for Luna Trivia!

(_Flashing lights rove all over the stage, then center on Luna. A small booth rises out of the stage, in front of Luna. Harry and Luna's father's chairs swing aside and pull behind a small booth with a button on top. Harry looks confused, Luna's father looks delighted._)

Luna: (_holding a card_) Now for the trivia portion of the show! Each contestant will receive five points for every question answered correctly! If the contestant guesses the wrong answer, he will lose three points! The first question: In what plant are nargles said to live in?

(_Both Harry and Luna's father hit the buzzer, Luna's father slightly later._)

Harry: Mistletoe!

Luna: Correct! Five points to Harry! Next question: What is the top speed of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack! (_Beep_)

Luna's father: Twenty-five miles per hour!

Luna: Wrong! Three points from the Quibbler's Editor! Harry! Try you luck.

Harry: Uh… fifteen miles per hour?

Luna: Wrong! Three points from Harry! Mr. Lovegood, try your luck!

Luna's father: Thirty kilometers per hour!

Luna: Correct! Five points. Harry and Mr. Lovegood, you are tied at two points! Next question: How many people, on average, would see a thestral! Give me a ratio. (_Beep)_

Luna's father: One out of five people!

Luna: Sorry, wrong. Harry?

Harry: Uh… Three out of twenty people?

Luna: Wrong. Both of you have negative one point!

Luna's father: One out of ten people!

Luna: Correct! Final question, worth double points: Name five different animals that may live in a pinecone.

Luna's father: Gobtruckle, Brossy Replet, Dore Fort, Botly, Kinglon!

Luna: Gobtruckles do not live in pinecones! Harry?

Harry: Brossy Replet, Dore Fort, Botly, Kinglon, and Frothey Dragoon?

Luna: Frothey Dragoons do not exist.

Luna's father: Nargles live in pinecones also!

Luna: Correct! Harry has negative seven points, reset to zero. Mr. Lovegood has six points! The next round, and more, after this break!


	2. Scene 2 Harry

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Final Fantasy

Luna: Now were back! Its time for the endurance round! Both players must attempt to get the golden snitch away from this Moogle!

Moogle: (_Walks onto stage_) Hi, kupo! If you want the snitch, too bad, kupo!

Luna: (_Dreamily_) the winner will receive twenty points.

(_Harry pulls out his wand, and stands up. Luna's booth slips into the ground and she retreats to a safe corner. Luna's father stands up and circles the Moogle. The Moogle drops the snitch, and it buzzes around the Moogle's head.)_

Harry: Accio Firebolt!

(_Harry's broom zips into his hand and he boards it._)

Moogle: Firega, Kupo!

(_A giant flame appears around Harry, burning his broom to ashes._)

Harry: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

Luna's father: Accio Snitch!

(_The snitch flies into his hand_.)

Luna: Mr. Lovegood wins! Twenty points! You, sir, are the winner! You receive Final Fantasy I-XII!

(_The chairs return to their original position, and Luna sits back in her seat. Harry is removed forcibly by some Moogles. Luna's father sits in his seat and the Moogle sits in Harry's._)

Moogle: How do you feel, kupo?

Luna's father: I am feeling well.

Moogle: I hope you do not mind if we ask you some questions about your life, kupo.

Luna's father: As long as they are not too personal.

Moogle: Well actually-

Luna: (_interrupting_) How is your job?

Luna's father: It is a very interesting job. I would not trade for almost anything!

Luna: Does it pay well?

Luna's father: (_faltering_) Er… I guess…

Luna: Is it true that you are the editor-in-chief for the quibbler and a field reporter?

Luna's father: Well yes, actually! I-

Moogle: How would I get to work for your magazine, kupo?

Luna's father: Um… Well you would have to go to our personnel adviser. I think we have an opening on field reporters.

Luna: What are you working on now?

Luna's father: (_goes on a long-winded explanation about Flame-Tongue trenchers._)

Moogle: (_stares_) Um, fascinating kupo…

Luna: (_With genuine interest_) When will you be publishing this story?

Luna's father: The June issue, probably.

Luna: I cannot wait!

Moogle: Uh-huh, kupo. (_Leaves, in the opposite direction from Harry_)

Luna: (shrugs) What other articles can we expect in the upcoming February Issue?

Luna's father: We have this really-

Luna: Oh, it seems we have run out of time!

Author's note: Thank you for your reviews! Preview time!

Hermione: What do you mean failed! I freed dozens of house-elves!

Dobby: Well actually, Miss Granger…

Author's note: Stay tuned for the next episode!


	3. Dobby

Disclaimer: I still do not own Harry Potter or Final Fantasy, but I am confident that my lawyers might help me get the rights to them. Not really!

The Luna Show!

Luna: All right! Today you are in for an elven treat! We have two key figures in the House Elf Liberation movement! First, Dobby, the house-elf!

Dobby: (_enters_) Hello Miss Lovegood ma'am.

Luna: So Dobby, I hear that you are one of the first House-elves ever to be paid? What is that like?

Dobby: Oh it is amazing Miss Lovegood! Dobby is very happy, even though Dumbledore is not around anymore…

Luna: Please Dobby, call me Luna.

Dobby: Why, Miss Lo- Luna?

Luna: It is better than Loony!

Dobby: Oh… Yes,Dobby heard about you at old home. (_Swallows_) Dobby's old master call you- Bad Dobby! (_Bangs head against seat_).

Luna: Dobby, that seat is for sitting in, not for killing yourself with! Speaking of which, sit down. This is a talk show, not a Palace.

Dobby: Why thank you Miss Luna Ma'am.

Luna: (_Dreamily_) Now for our second guest, the one, the only, (_with disdain_) Hermione Granger, the first human to take an active part in elven rights.

Hermione: (_enters_) Hello Luna, Dobby.

Dobby: (_stands up_) Miss Granger is the friend of Harry Potter! Sit down in Dobby's seat, Dobby can stand!

Hermione: Dobby, please, there is-

Luna: Do not, Dobby, Hermione has a chair.

Dobby: Oh… (_Sits down_) Hello Miss Granger, how is life treating you?

Hermione: Well-

Luna: Hermione, is it true that your attempts to free House-Elves in your fifth year at Hogwarts were unsuccessful?

Hermione: What do you mean, unsuccessful? I freed dozens of House-Elves!

Dobby: Well actually Miss Granger…

Hermione: (S_uspiciously_) What?

Dobby: I took almost all of those hats, Miss Granger…

Hermione: WHAT?

Luna: Oh, look at the time! It is time to choose; The Contest or Luna Multiple-Choice?

Hermione: I don't think-

Dobby: Miss Granger may decide which Dobby and Miss Granger will do first!

Hermione: Luna Multiple-Choice!

(_The guest's seats swing outward, behind two booths. A larger booth slides out of the floor in front of Luna_.)

Luna: Alright! Multiple-choice questions will appear on your screen. When you know the answer, press the red button! Right answers get five points. Wrong answers will force you to lose three points! This counts towards your final score!

Hermione: (_Beeps button_) A, b, c, a, b.

Luna: How did you know the answers before I sent you the question?

Hermione: It's a gift.

Luna: All of those answers are correct… But there is one more! The Final Question! It is worth double points- negative and positive! What is the meaning of life? Select your answer!

Hermione: That is an opinion question! It isn't fa-

Dobby: (_beeps button_) Uh… D? 42?

Luna: Correct! Dobby gets ten points!

Hermione: What the-

Luna: We'll be back after these messages!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's note: I hoped you liked the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference!


	4. Hermione

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Disney (If I owned Disney I'd be filthy stinking rich!), Phantom of the Opera, Douglass Adam's books,

Luna: Now we are back! It is time for the contest.

(_The first lines of the "Phantom of the Opera" from _The Phantom of the Opera_ musical play on the loudspeakers._)

Luna:(_blinks._) Who played that?

Moogle: (_Walks out_) Sorry, wrong song.

Luna: It is the third CD, not the second!

Moogle: Oh… (_Hurries out_)

(_The "Jeopardy" theme plays._)

Hermione: (_With air quotations_) What is this "Contest?"

Luna: (_Scornfully_) Oh, I thought the great Hermione Granger knew everything!

Hermione: I never said-

Dobby: Dobby wishes to know what the contest is if it would not inconvenience Miss Luna at all…

Luna: Right-o. The contest is one of the many activities of the game show portion of our show…

(_A strange bouncy music is played. Some Moogles come out and start dancing._)

Luna: We are not sponsored by Disney anymore!

(_The Moogles look embarrassed and run out. The music stops._)

Luna: The contest is a small competition between the two contestants. The contestants may be asked to play anything from Wizard's Chess to two-player Quidditch. Today you will be playing (c_reepy music plays_) WIZARD'S CHESS!

(_The two contestant's chairs swing inward to center stage. A small table with a Wizard's Chessboard on it rises out of the ground._)

Dobby: Dobby does not find himself worthy of playing Wizard's Chess against the great Hermione Granger!

Hermione: Uh… Of course, you are Dobby! Sit down. Um… E2 move to E4.

(_Hermione Granger has pitiful chess playing skills. Therefore, Dobby quickly decimates her army until she has only one king, one rook, and one bishop. Dobby has only lost one rook and one bishop._)

Hermione: Bishop to F7!

Dobby: Rook to A1!

Luna: Checkmate! Dobby wins! Final scores: Hermione: Twenty, Dobby: 30. Dobby is the winner! You receive a pet chocobo!

Dobby: Where would Dobby keep a chocobo?

Luna: Good point. Give it to Hagrid because he will enjoy it.

Dobby: Miss Luna is correct…

Hermione: The prize was a Chocobo?

Luna: Yes.

Hermione: Oh… Then it is a good thing I lost. I am allergic to large flightless birds.

Luna: Really? That is interesting. Dobby, sit down. Hermione stay there. So Dobby, are you still working at Hogwarts?

Dobby: Yes Miss Luna ma'am.

Hermione: You do not have to call Luna "ma'am" or "miss."

Dobby: Yes Miss Granger ma'am.

Hermione: Okay.

Luna: Dobby, you are very unusual in that you found more work after you were freed, and you found someone willing to pay you. How do you feel about that?

Dobby: Actually, Dobby feels very privileged to have worked for Dumbledore.

Luna: Yes, the Late Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was a very unusual wizard. Do you think you will continue to be paid by the new Headmaster of Hogwarts?

Dobby: The new Headmaster is rather nice, actually. Dobby is paid the same amount he was when Dumbledore was Headmaster.

Luna: Wow! Time sure flies when you are having fun! Time is up! Goddbye, and enjoy your prize, Dobby and Emma Watson!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

Luna: Tune in next time on The Luna Show!

Author's Note: I Hoped you liked this episode! Please Review! Preview time…


	5. Weasley 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Potter Puppet Pals, Mission Impossible, American Idol, the Robot, Jeapordy, or The Phantom of The Opera.

Luna: Welcome! It is time for the Luna Show! Tonight's Special Guests are the Weasleys! That is, Ginny, Ron, Gred, Forge, Percy, Charley, Bill, Molly, and Arthur Weasley.

(E_nter Weasleys_)

Ron: (_attacking Bill_) Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother…

Bill: Stop that!

Ginny: (joining in) Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother…

Bill: Really! Stop!

Fred and George: (_to Percy_) Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother…

Percy: Avada-

Molly: PERCY ARE YOU MAD! Kids, stop this!

Luna: Oh dear… I was not aware your house had Ramblestacks…

Arthur: _(looking stunned_) Oh dear! Percy?

Charley: Blimey Percy! What were you thinking?

Luna: (_ahem_) We have a special feature tonight: A DANCE OFF!

(_There is silence except for a muffled "Kupo" from backstage._)

Percy: A what?

Luna: A dance off!

(_Enter three judges_)

Percy: What are you thinking?

(_Luna whispers something in his ear and his eyes light up_.)

Percy: OH! Let the dancing begin!

Luna: (_smiling)_ You're first Percy!

(_The _Mission Impossible_ theme plays. Percy does the robot._)

Moogle Judge 1: Kupo! That rocked dawg!

Moogle Judge 2: 8 Lupo! That rocked kupo style!

Moogle Judge 3: I would have to disagree, kupo, I would rather have my eyes gouged out with rusty nails than ever hear that again, kupo! 3 kupo!

Percy: Why you little-

Luna: Fred and George!

(Fred and George dance to a funeral mass.)

Moogle Judge 1: 5 Kupo, dawg!

Moogle Judge 2: 3 kupo!

Moogle Judge 3: 10 kupo! That was amazing, kupo…

Luna: Ginny, your turn!

(Jeopardy theme plays.)

Luna: CD2!

Backstage Moogle (From above): Sorry, kupo!

(The Phantom of the Opera theme plays.)

Ginny: This is for you, Harry!

(Ginny does a terrible ballet dance.)

Moogle Judge 3: What the kupo was that?

Ginny (indignantly): A dance!

Moogle Judge 1: Sorry, diggy dawg, but I'll give it a 3 kupo!

Moogle Judge 2: It was…Quaint, kupo…2 kupo…

Ginny: Grr! How dare-

Moogle Judge 3: 1 and no comment, kupo.

Luna: We'll be back after this commercial break!

Ginny: Wait! I'm not-


	6. Weasley 2

Luna: And now we're back! It is Ronald's turn to dance.

(_A random rap song plays_)

Molly: What is that awful noise?

Arthur: I think it is music, dear.

(Molly stares at him)

Ron: Right. Here goes nothing mates! (_Ron break-dances_)

Moogle Judge1: Dawg, that was the most kupo thing I ever saw, Kupo! That's a ten dawg, a ten!

Moogle Judge2: Kupo! That wasn't bad! I think a ten is good for that one!

Moogle Judge3: (_raving_) What are you talking about, kupo? That was the worst dance I have ever seen, even worse than Percy's!

Percy: WELL!

Moogle Judge3: (still raving) A ONE, kupo! That's what you kupo well deserve!

Ron: Oy! That adds up to… er… five?

Percy: No you nitwit! That's twenty-one! You're bloody winning!

Ron: That's kupo!

Percy: Ron?

Ron: Yes?

Percy: You're not a moogle.

Luna: Right! Arthur Weasly?

Arthur: What?

(A rent medley plays.)

Arthur: Um… (_He does the chicken dance._)

Moogle Judge1: Dawg, dawg, dawg… One, kupo…

Moogle Judge2: Kupo… I agree, one…

Moogle Judge3: One, kupo and no comment.

Arthur: (_sadly_) Oh…

Luna: Bill! Ready? GO!

_("Gnome" from_ The Graygem_ (The Opera) plays.)_

Bill: Of course! (_does the Macarina)_

Moogle Judge1: 5 Kupo!

Moogle Judge2: 5 Kupo!

Moogle Judge3: 5 Kupo!

Luna: Now, we have only two contestants left… Can either of them beat Ron? I'd bet not, if it wasn't for the fact that Raltragors do not like betting…

(_Chocobo theme plays_)

Charley: I love this song! (_Does a strange dance that looks middle eastern_)

(_Hurricane warning flashes onto the screen and stays for three minutes_)

Luna: -your wish?

Ron: I wish I had a potato!

Luna: Okay… Ms. Weasley, that badger dance was really good, are you sure-

Molly: (_coldly_) Yes, Luna dear.

Luna: Fine. Accio Potato.

Ron: Yippee!

(_The potato zooms into Luna's hand. She throws it at Ron._)

Ron: Yippee!

Percy: (_Shouting_) You IMBECILE! You could have had anything, and you choose a POTATO!

Ron: But potatos are-

Percy: Avada-

(_All but Luna and Ron ducks. Ron stands stupidly_)

Luna: Percy! Don't!

Percy: You people are all stupid! Avada kedavra! (_His wand spontaneously combusts_.) What? MY WAND!

(_The judges forcibly remove him._)

Luna: Well that's all the time we have for today!

Ron: (_Picking nose)_ Wait! I Love you Lu-

Author's note: I don't own Dragonlance either…

REVIEW! Review if you love Harry Potter!

Preview: Fawkes: (_with Dumbledore's voice_) Greetings, Luna!


	7. Fawkes

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Danny Phantom or anything else.

Luna: Guess what! Today we will be having the Luna Show outside, as Tamaranean Termitals have eaten the lower beams supporting our building. Therefore-

(_Enter backstage Moogle_)

Moogle: Kupo! We aren't outside!

Luna: Yes we are! There's a plant there, (_pointing_) there, and there!

Moogle: Kupopo, those plants are fake! (_To audience_) Today, Kupo, we have two very special guests! First, we have Fawkes, the kupo phoenix!

(_Enter Fawkes_)

Fawkes: (_With Dumbledore's voice_) Hello Luna.

Luna: Fawkes, how are you? Your voice sounds strange.

Fawkes: I am actually Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. My close relationship with Fawkes allows him to channel my mind from beyond the grave. Basically, Fawkes is a vessel for my ghost.

(_A skinny women and a fat man run out onto the stage._)

Woman: Did someone say ghost?

Man: GHOST!

Luna: Um… you aren't Nearly-Headless Nick!

Moogle: Are you ghost-hunters, kupo?

Man: He said ghost! GET HIM! (_leaps at moogle_)

Moogle: Stop kupo!

(_The man freezes in midair_)

Woman:Jack!

Moogle: Please remove yourself and your husband from the stage.

Woman: Fine. But if we see a ghost…(_She pulls her husband with her and she exits._)

Luna: Our next guest is Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington.

(_Enter Nearly-Headless Nick)_

(_Enter Woman_)

Woman: GHOST!

Moogle: LEAVE, KUPO!

(_Woman reaches into her pocket_)

Moogle: STOP, kupo! (_Picks up frozen body of woman and carries her off._)

Luna: So Professor, how is your life?

Fawkes: #)&)& +()

Luna: What?

Fawkes: I used to be slightly less than omniscient, but now I am!

(_Re-enter Moogle_)

Moogle: And I thought Hermione was arrogant, kupo!

L:una: Did you know that Professor Snape was going to kill you?

Fawkes: (_Hurriedly_) Tes, but J.K. Rowling assured me that I would still guide Harry after my death.

Luna: J.K. who?

Fawkes: Um… No one!

Luna: Okay, Sir Nicholas, how is-

Fawkes: I am not finished talking!

Luna: Dumbledore, really!

Fawkes: I'm Professor Dumbledore!

Luna: Mog?

Moogle: Sorry, I'm out of MP.

(_Moogles sneak up behind Fawkes_)

Fawkes: Really! I deserve respect-

(_The Moogles leap forward and pluck out his feathers._)

Moogle: Kupopo! Pheonix Down!

Luna: Um… Here are some important commercial Messages!


	8. Nick

Disclaimer: see last chapter

Luna: Due to technical difficulties-

(_A featherless Fawkes falls from the sky, hits the ground, and bursts into flames._)

Luna: -we are having trouble with-

Nick: Can someone get me out of this thing?

Luna: -getting the contest done.

(_A baby phoenix pokes its head out of the ashed_)

Moogle: (_singing with background music_)

We're in the money

We're in the money

We've got a lot of what it takes to get along! KUPO!

Luna: But at least we have a lifetime supply of phoenix down!

Moogle: I sold it for two million gil kupo!

We're in the money

The Skies are sunny

Old man depression go away you've done us wrong! Kupo!

Both Luna and Moogle:

We'll never see a headline

'Bout a breadline today!

Female voice: Ghost!

Both Luna and Moogle:

And when we see the landlord

We can look that guy right in the eye!

We're in the money!

Come on my honey,

Let's spend it, lend it

Send it rolling along!

(_They dance_)

Fawkes: Foolish mortals! You will pay! Gilaga! (_A flash of golden light shoots from Fawkes, hits the Moogle, bends and goes backstage._)

Moogle: What the kupo?

Fawkes: That spell destroys ill-gotten wealth.

Luna: Dun dun dun

Moogle: Wait, did you just… You did not, kupo!

Fawkes: Mwahahaha!

Moogle: Dumbledork, you will pay kupo!

Fawkes: I really doubt tha- wait, I am Professor Dumbledork- I mean, Dumbledore!

Moogle: Attack my Tonberry minion, kupo!

(_A Tonberry walks onto stage and slowly walks towards Fawkes_)

Fawkes: It's just a little green monster! It's harmless!

Luna: (_laughs_) I'm sure he didn't say the stupid thing I thought he said, because he's omniscient.

Fawkes: What are you talking about? It really is harmless.

(The Tonberry reaches Fawkes. It stabs Fawkes with its knife. Fawkes bursts into flame and a ghost-like Dumbledore spirit floats out. Dumbledore's possession of Fawkes has ended.)

Nick: Can you free me now?

(_The Tonberry walks over to Nick and slices him free._)

Luna: Good-bye! See you next season and keep a lookout for Tamaranean Termitals!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Authors note: End Season. Hope you like it. If you want another season, review and I will consider it.


End file.
